my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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