There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
