Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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