did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Randomize