I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
