Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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