She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
