I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
