I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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