And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
