just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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