I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Vodka?
Forever.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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