it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
