Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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