Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
