You're so nebulous sometimes
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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