just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize