thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
