dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
