You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
