As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
