Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
