I think im going to throw up on grandma
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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