You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
