I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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