24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
