I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Boobs are out for the taking
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
