I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize