we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
