went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
