Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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