I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
