Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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