D3 body, D1 cock
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
