Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
