I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
