I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
