he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
