I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
ugly people sure do ruin things
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
