2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
