you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
