I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
