He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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