I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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