and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You pole danced in your parka.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
