Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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