Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
