what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
