fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
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