i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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