there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
