Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
