I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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