my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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