he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
