HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
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