guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize