I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
