I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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