woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
