i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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