walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
